Over time I have come to learn the importance of unifying couples in early recovery by practicing curiosity.  One significant way to develop empathy for another is by being curious about the other person’s views,  feelings, and experience walking through the world that day.   When one listens carefully with a peaceful heart (imagine a peace symbol across the heart) the results are dramatic. The changes that are taking place in a family when the addicted loved one is getting sober/abstinent are not all happy and positive.  There are many unknown situations unfolding for everyone involved and fear becomes a mainstay if not addressed tenderly and patiently.

Gently leading a client back to themselves by asking what they are feeling and by paraphrasing them is the beginning of learning and practicing curiosity.  It’s an immediate swoosh of relief to feel accurately listened to without the accompanying rush of the listener to ‘tell my side of the story’.  That rushed pacing amps up the anxiety during an argument.  Slowing down and taking time to hear the other person, relay what was heard and wait for confirmation that the relay was accurate is a valuable tool towards holding a friendly state.

“when you”…..

“I feel”….

“because I value, want or need”…..

“would you be willing to”…..

*in cases of domestic violence it is critical to support the client in the early sessions in order to help the client feel safe, understood and heard and the goal is not to unify the couple.

It is with lots of memories and excitement that I say goodbye to Eastside Addiction Professionals and introduce Eastside Center For Family.  Getting “here” has been a journey filled with brainstorming sessions, budget proposals, curriculum comparisons, credentials review, staffing changes, patient feedback, peer input and little prayers sent up into the clouds.

“Here” is a dream of mine that has  brewed in my mind for 21 years while I wandered through many textbooks and college classes, worked in various treatment programs, conducted countless discussions with colleagues, worked out my personal history with fellow classmates and had the privilege of working in private practice with some amazing clinicians who taught me a great deal about having faith in myself and gave me grace as I began my ascent of professionalism to develop and create Eastside Center For Family.

It is with great pride that I, along with my new colleagues,  offer a treatment and counseling approach that is truly family systems and begins by carefully caring for the systems created with the counselors coming to work here.  Nadya Petkova, Chris Burkland, Tiffany Poulin, myself and those in the future have joined in my vision and to them I am extremely grateful.  I am also grateful to Lacey LaBare, a former assistant, whose quiet grace and strength aided me in making the move physically to this new location and who began with me the process of changing the systems from private practice to running a group practice.  Kris Cook came with me from old to new office seeing patients while enduring my disorganization in the process.  She began her learning the art of therapy here in the clinic and has since moved on to new endeavors.

I am so grateful to all the people gathering round to support the growth of this clinic and who believe in the message of healing family.  I grew up in a recovering alcoholic home (not drinking) and despite it being a recovering home it was at times very chaotic.  I have learned well the need to heal the family who sits and suffers while waiting for someone else to change so they too can change.  The discovery I made is that I can change even if no one else does.  It is from this place that I have gained the most knowledge and it infuses my counseling approach.

I am so looking forward to the new families that come for help here.  Many people come for individual therapy and they bring with them their family not physically but in conversation in therapy.  It is there where we have the most opportunity to impact change in the family.